Rifts: The Eliminators

In a grimdark post-apocalyptic future, where the earth has been devastated by nuclear war, dimensional rifts and Nazi cos-players, only a few gritty heroes stand between a new apocalypse, a post-post apocalypse or a meta apocalypse or an apocalypse squared or a neo-apocalypse or an epic apocalypse or a mega damage apocalypse or a dragon cyborg juicer apocalypse wielding a rune blade with Atlantean tattoos. Yeah. HARDCORE.

In other words, I ripped off the plot of a movie called The Eliminators and forced the players into a game of Rifts.  Deal with it.

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26 Comments

  1. Oh my god, it’s full of stars.

  2. Always did like Palladium games.

  3. This is, like, deconstructivist roleplaying.

  4. What in God’s name did I just listen to?

    I believe “post-post modernist roleplaying” may be a more accurate label.

  5. Rifts?
    I’ll pass on this one, thanks.

  6. I thought any second I was gonna hear the sound of Caleb losing his mind and strangling Ross. Easily the strangest game I’ve heard in years.

  7. so this is Rifts? and Cinnabar’s worse? I think you’ve got a duty to the world.

  8. Haven’t even pushed play, and I’m already excited.

  9. A delightfully goofy session. As a Caleb fanboy I was most pleased with his reactions to the complete nonsensical nature of the story.

  10. “Look! This book is now a live snake!”
    “Would anyone like some corpse-mead?”
    Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo.

  11. … Well, that was a thing.

    A HILARIOUS Thing, that is.

  12. Also, kudos to Thad (At least I think it was Thad, my memory’s a bit fuzzy) for the Brock Sampson impression.

  13. I have a friend who oboslutely loves Rifts. After hearing this, I understand all the hate you guys have flamed at this game.

    The only enjoyable thing about this game was the rage and disgust flowing off of Caleb. I could picture Palpatine behind him going ‘Good..good. Give in to your anger. Strike down your fellow gamers and take you’re place at my side.”

  14. I honestly didn’t think any game would come close to your WUSHU League game for sheer ridiculousness, but then you went down Rifts alley to WTF lane.

    Kudos to everyone, and I wanna give a shout out to Tom for his hilarious and awesome mandroid crashing through walls with Caleb riding on his back, slapping on new cybernetics as they flee a demon together.

  15. Oh…it’s downloading right now. Can’t wait to hear the thrilling 80’s fueled, megaventure.

  16. Woo! My girlfriend left while I was laughing around Jason telling the pirates to go to the other town. I didn’t notice though for about 2hr10min later.

    Don’t run rifts again, I beg you.

  17. I hate to say it, but you should subject Caleb and friends to more bad games because a lot of your players express their hatred through irony by playing the game as straight-edge as possible. Which is just hilarious in games like Cyberpunk and Rifts.

    Naturally this means you have to record a game of Fatal or Paranoia.

  18. I…I just can’t do Fatal, not even as a joke.

    From what I’ve just read on Wikipedia, Paranoia actually sounds kind of fun.

    Synnibarr might cause me to kill someone, but I’d give it a shot. That’s probably where the comedy could be found.

  19. that’s how it spelled! a whole five internetminutes were spent trying to filter out the Pokemon results from baffled searches of “Cinnabar rpg hollow moon” availlessly

    and there’s always the lurking pokethulhu

  20. Paranoia isn’t a bad system at all! It’s just that knowing the rules of the game is treasonous, and you wouldn’t want to seem treasonous to Friend Computer, would you?

  21. Paranoia is not meant for serious roleplaying in the least, but it’s not a bad game.

  22. Actually I like Rifts but I always play it much darker then the RPG itself. More like Cuthultech.

  23. This is the best RPPR Actual Play of all time.

  24. This game was what made me finally open the file marked “Rifts” on the flash drive filled with RPG stuff my friend gave me.

    I subsequently (mostly) cracked the code of Rifts character-creation, and am now waiting to unleash its absurdity on my victi- err…players.


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