Gobblin’ – Kings of the Rings

In a grimdark post-apocalyptic Earth, a horde of goblins from a fantasy realm thrive. Exiled from their own universe, the goblins fight, explore, and aggravate the other surviving beings. One such band of goblins has been recruited for a quest to carry an ancient artifact to a distant place of power. Will the goblins overcome the strange monsters and vicious enemies between them and their goal? Will they even remember to finish the quest?

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  4 comments for “Gobblin’ – Kings of the Rings

  1. David
    October 18, 2017 at 8:24 am

    Big mistake that needs fixing.
    Fuzzy Dan played Uncle Samsay, the group’s karate expert. His weapons included a sack of billiard balls, galoshes on his hands, and Invisible Armor in the form of Grampa Samsay’s headband.

  2. October 19, 2017 at 12:12 am

    Well, as the writer of the scenario and game, I figured I’d leave my favorite quotes and notes as a creator commentary. In short, a few rules misquoted or overlooked, but entirely kept the spirit of stupidity and pseudo-fantasy adventure tone, so I ain’t even mad.

    Also I think I originally wrote Drongo as dumb and brutal if relatively purehearted… but I like him being sort of a shit.

    I can’t pin down who all’s character is skeptical and who is just stupid, and that’s wonderful…

    And there’s definitely a point in every group I’ve heard where people need to be reminded that goblins don’t understand gender and reproduction. Certainly a big part of their culture, but that doesn’t stop everyone from conceding the point and going to unwitting sex jokes. It still fits with the idea of goblins essentially being a swarm of kids with no adults around, but… well, wave goodbye to your innocence with your handies…

    “I am your goblin masher. I’m sorry, Goblin Master.” It’s too late to change it now, isn’t it…?

    “The other mudhole! They ruined Mudhole!

    *Gristleslap rips off the door
    “Uh oh. Someone broke Gristleslap.”

    “It’s the fooood dance! I’m doin’ it!”

    “Don’t you have some mystic charm from your ancestors?”
    “Have you met my ancestors? They’re not that charming.”

    “I wear underarmor under my armor.”

    “Can I have some of your original blood? I’m building something…”

    “The sugar glider means ‘don’t kink shame me.”

    “Don’t kink shame the 8-ball.”

    “There’s the glowy things in the big black thing, and the one big silver thing that looks like somebody takes a bite out of it and then it grows back again…”
    “Ah yes. The Nom. Spelled ‘n-o-o-m.’ Or the Noom as some pronounce it.”

    the extensive discussion of the medicinal applications of snot

    Glad to see people pick up on the variously warped origins of The Hobbit (“but stupid”)

    “Sobriety is overrated for running games. Especially this one.”

    “Let’s hear those panicked screams.”
    “I wasn’t brieeeefed!”

    Knocking the mountain king over and running for it. Entirely valid strategy over fighting it.

    “What’s a banana?”
    “Ohhh, tree fingers!”

    “Drongo, intestines are for losers!”

    “Pull a boner!? What am I, a bat man?”

    “Do you have a ranged weapon?”
    “Ranged weapons are my character concept!”

    “He’s coming at you with the nailbat.”
    “I shove the healer in the way. ‘Physician! Heal thyself!”

    “Vines of sick memes!”

    The cannibalism of goblins is a technicality and a judgement call. As written, goblins don’t eat goblins because goblins taste terrible.

    “Aaron, you get the doll because you give the best handies, and you can tell everybody I said that.”
    “Hey, Matt and everyone at the Drunk and the Ugly. Hope you’re enjoying this…”

    It comes at different times, but love that moment of quiet dread when people realize what the quest is actually doing.

    “That one in the goofy hat. Fuck ’em.”

    “I want monster hands. Like Truckasaurus.”

    “Quick! Say something that’ll blow my mind!”
    “Doors have practical applications.”

    “Nothing quite like your club around. But there’s this pipe sticking out of the wall. If you go get that fire axe, then you can chop it loose and use that instead.”

    “We don’t need an ungodly abomination…”
    “No! That’s us!”

    and having written it too, “Intruders using lethal force! FINALLY!!” still gets a delightful read from the GM. Those bored, lonely fight-bots…

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